Thursday, November 27, 2014

Stuff I've been meaning to write about but haven't gotten about doing.

Guess I have too much I'd been thinking and wanting to write about, all the updates and changes in my life and perceptions mainly... So much so that it becomes like the mess in my room which I don't know where to start cleaning up from, although I keep getting the urge to do something about the jumbled mess in my head...
My laziness does me no good here either.
Big B told me to get my thoughts out in point-format first, and work my way from there...
And so there it is, not necessarily in that order, but hopefully I'll get through the whole list soon...

- Atheist to agnostic
- Start of questioning social constructs
- Existential crisis
- Thoughts on academic system
- Psychology and its impact on my life
*Culture and youth subcultures
- Social issues and labels
- Pop culture's influence
- What is individuality?
- Notion of beauty
*Inner Conflicts
- Cultural constructs vs what matters
*Understanding self
- Becoming self aware
- Was/am I crazy?
- Anxiety
- Personality shift
- Chor
- Mother
- Best friend to boyfriend
*The Venus Project
- Social reconstruction
- Am I communist?

It actually feels really good to be able even get this much organising of thoughts done...
Note to self: should've prolly done this for my psych essays long ago too...

Monday, May 26, 2014


when I feel sad, I don't even know why or for whom...

All I know is that it'll suddenly feel a little heavy inside and I'd just wanna curl up into a ball and disappear for a while...
For those few moments, I'd wish I didn't have to be me.

I don't know why we can't just come out of the past in one piece, a nice big clean slate...
I hate that we have to slowly collect the scattered bits of ourselves from places we don't even wanna go to, I hate that closure is a step we can't skip, I hate that I've become so afraid of being happy, I hate these walls I've built in my sleep...

Brian and the boys went off a few days ago for their Euro tour, longest one thus far.
I convinced myself that I won't get sad when my best friend's not around, I wanted to be stronger than this...
We'd become somewhat of each other's medicine, but now I'm left alone to deal with myself, and he with him.

I need to learn to be alone sometimes...

Friday, May 23, 2014

I can

no longer run back,

and yet I'm too afraid to run forward.

I stand still, my heart turned to glass and no longer on my sleeves.
I don't want to make a move.
I don't want to make a sound.

I feel like the way I did when I was stuck on some tall pole in an obstacle course.
I remember not being able to turn back cause it looked too scary and out of reach, and I looked to the front and it scared the shit out me too.
I stood, knees trembling, and cried for a good 10minutes or so.

I hate my guts.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014


I've started using this blog-app called DAYRE,
which is a more-or-less the perfectly suitable new platform I was looking for,
Perfect for random snippets and happenings updates from day-to-day basis.

So, I'm gonna be blogging there often instead, and almost rarely ever here,
since it's easier to post daily using Dayre's mobile app.

...No prize for guessing the url.


even when I'm feeling sure that I've forgotten...
There's an ache in places I cannot reach.

But in time, they will heal...
...Everything does.

I'm not completely broken just yet...
I refuse to be.

Someday, love will find you in the rough.
Someday, love will finally be enough.

Slow fuzz in the morning,
could you be what I need?